


City of Angels

by Booboodaddyh



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV 2020)
Genre: Alex is a human, And they go to school together, Angst, Caleb is not evil, Eventual Smut, Everyone Is Alive, F/M, Fluff, Hurt, I dont' even know when this is set, Julie and the Phantoms includes Bobby, M/M, THIS WILL BREAK YOUR HEART, Willie is an angel, Willie needed a friend and he was the best I had, Willie-centric (Julie and The Phantoms), You've been warned, does it really matter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-22 07:28:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 15,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30035178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Booboodaddyh/pseuds/Booboodaddyh
Summary: "And I'd give up forever to touch you'cause I know that you feel me somehowyou're the closest to heaven that I'll ever beand I don't want to go home right now."Where Willie is an angel and Alex is a human, but Willie looks at Alex's eyes long enough to know the blonde is actually the angel of the two.-Willex city of angels (1998) AU.tw/ homophobia, abusive parents, death
Relationships: Alex Mercer/Willie (Julie and The Phantoms), Julie Molina/Luke Patterson
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18





	1. When Everything is meant to be broken...

**Author's Note:**

> Hello and welcome to this journey I like to call "that one story you read when you need to feel something". I suggest reading with Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls in the Background, which is the song that inspired me to write this fic, and also Angels by Sarah McLachlan, from the soundtrack of the original movie from which this fic is highly inspired. Have a good time! (I hope)  
> Part two will be posted shortly after part one.

Angels are not what everyone thinks they are.

Or maybe yes, it depends on who you ask.

They are definitely not figures clad in long white robes and wings.

They don’t glow, nor do they have a halo.

They’re just as humans are. They are dressed in black, and death is brought with them. 

They’re always around, watching people do the stuff people do; they’re in hospitals, on the street, there're so many that even if you wanted to, you couldn’t count them.

Angels are eternal. They’re supposed to live forever, to stay and watch over the human race, to give them protection, to make them feel safe. To bring the dead to their everlasting rest.

Besides their job, angels liked libraries. It was relaxing to hear human’s thoughts as they read: there was poetry, there were novels, many of them more concerned than the book they had in their hands about work or incoming deadlines. If you asked an angel, reading was the most fascinating thing a person could do.

William was different. He liked the streets. The schools. 

He liked seeing teenagers and kids running around, some of them on skateboards or bikes, some of them chatting, some of them even brought their instruments outside and played music for a couple of pennies. But William just knew they had fun singing and dancing around, and they didn’t really care about the tips.

William, Willie for his friends, loved the people.

And for this, there was a sting, a painful burn inside his chest he wasn’t supposed to feel whenever he got around a living person.

Because if he was around, it meant death was about to come for one of them.

Willie was standing by the side of a table in a park. Two people sat at it, a girl and a boy. The girl had her mop of red buried inside a book Willie didn’t quite recognize, as the blonde boy in front of her explained something.

“Alex, this is just too hard, I can’t”

She moaned discouraged. The boy Willie now recognized as Alex shook his head, hands twitching around a pen. He was nervous because he felt like he was failing at his role. Willie placed a hand on the boy’s shoulder, and he immediately relaxed under his fingers, patience renovating as he leaned on the table to show her what he was saying again.

“You can do it, I promise. Let’s try this from the beginning, you start by resolving the parts inside the parenthesis, then you isolate the Xs to the right of the equal sign, simplify the polynomial, solve the equation, then substitute the value you found for X in the equation and you solve it like a normal equation.”

His voice was calm, and Willie found it soothing, even if he felt the boy’s anxiety skyrocket as he spoke. 

Humans were so extremely fascinating, with their ways.

Willie sat by the girl’s side, drinking in whatever activity they were doing. The girl struggled a little more with the numbers she was writing, the blonde guy scribbled something on her paper, and Willie rested his head on his hand as the two of them bickered.

“This is too much. I just wanna cry and disappear.”

“I’m not letting you fail this” the blonde guy raised his head to look at the girl, but he then moved and gazed straight into Willie’s eyes.

The blonde guy had the prettiest green-blue irises Willie has ever had the occasion to look into. And they seemed to stare into Willie's soul as if he could see him, as if he was right here and a person like him. A _shiver_ ran down Willie's spine as the blonde-haired stared at him.

_Angels weren't supposed to feel_ , yet Willie's entire being lit up for that fraction of a second Alex looked inside his eyes.

His gaze shifted back to the notebook as he began explaining something new, and the girl listened.

Willie ran a hand on the girl's back, and she shuddered to his touch. Not yet. Willie couldn't stand the idea of seeing those pretty eyes filled with pain.

Not yet.

"I always ask them what their favorite part of living was," Willie murmured, scribbling something on his little black notebook.

"Oh, yea? And what was hers?" by his side, Caleb placed his hands in the pockets of his jacket. Willie smiled, shaking his head sheepishly.

"She liked sunsets. At the park, sitting at a picnic bench." he read out loud, as he closed the leather sleeves of the tome. Caleb nodded, agreeing absent-mindedly.

"Sunsets are nice."

Two days after their lesson, Alex heard Addison had committed suicide.

He wasn't sure why it hurt so bad.

She looked rather peaceful when they met. She was eager to learn, she asked questions and tried to make small talks, she looked just fine.

Alex had not a single fault in her death, yet he felt so guilty he was on the verge of a panic attack. His head spun, he felt dizzy, the murmurs that filled the classroom fused in a loud mumbling that pained his ears as much as his own heart pounding did.

He just wished he'd noticed. He just wished he'd seen the pain she'd been going through that day. He would've said something. He would've walked her home. He would've hugged her and listened to whatever was afflicting her days, and he would've even kissed her if it was what she needed. He would've given her everything she wanted if that meant she'd be alive that morning.

Alex didn't even know Addison that well. Alex barely knew Addison, to be fair.

But Alex knew all too well the feeling of wanting to put a period to his life.

He's always been a little anxious. When he started school he hated having to spend his time in a classroom full of people, and it was even worse having to ask questions or read out loud. What he dreaded the most was standing up to solve an exercise at the blackboard. He felt the stares on his flesh, and he just wanted to melt into a puddle as fast as possible. With time it got better. Or at least he got better at faking being okay. He made some friends, and they sure were a huge helping hand. Especially Luke, with his comforting touches and his will to fight anyone who disrespected Alex.

It had gotten better until Alex had finally gathered the courage to admit he was gay.

His friends were more than okay with it, they made sure to tell him on every occasion. But his family wasn't.

"That's impossible, you're not disabled" had said his dad, and Alex's heart had skipped a beat.

"You're just spending too much time with your friends, I know you love them, but you don't _love_ them." has said his mom.

The memory made Alex nauseous and he stood up from his chair. The teacher looked at him questioning, but his eyes were too glassy for him to see anything. His blood was pumping too hard and he was sure his veins hurt, his chest stung from the improper breathing, and he just ran straight up the stairs. He ran until he felt he was gonna fall to the ground if he didn't stop, and sat down.

And he started crying. He didn't cry nearly enough. But now he couldn't stop sobbing.

Willie conjured in front of him. The lament of Alex's broken sobbing stung something inside the angel.

"It's not even your fault Alex, why do you worry so much? You didn't know Addison, you couldn't have done anything anyway."

He was talking to himself, something Willie didn't quite understand about humans yet he related to on a personal level. He kneeled to his side, placing his hands on Alex's. That's when he snapped his head up and looked once again in Willie's eyes. Willie knew he couldn't see him. But Willie was there. He was there for Alex.

“It’s not your fault”

Willie whispered under his breath as if it was a secret, something only he and Alex could know, and wandered inside those irises full of tears. There was something wickedly fascinating in his pain, in the fact that he could _feel_.

Alex sobbed harder.

Willie placed his hands on the sides of his face, he could feel his head being an indistinct mutter of thoughts.

But when he touched him, suddenly he became calmer. He slowly stopped crying and melted inside his touch. His long eyelashes, wet with tears, fluttered once or twice, probably trying to understand what caused the sudden change of mind, but couldn’t quite place it.

Willie swiped his thumbs on Alex’s cheeks one last time before he stood up and gave him a smile he couldn’t see. “You’re gonna be fine, I promise”

Alex shook his head rapidly, wiping the signs of his weakness. He couldn’t be out for much longer, so he just sighed and stood up. Before Alex could look around, Willie was gone.

He went back to class, and Willie went back to his businesses. But the angel already knew he needed to do everything he could to meet that boy again.

"Do you ever wonder what it's like to be felt?" Willie asked as he walked by Caleb's side. They were approaching the sunset, one walking next to the other.

Sunsets and sunrises were an angel's favorite moment. They all gathered on the beach and they listened to the music of the sun..

Only angels could hear the music of the sun. It was intimate, it was beautiful, it was everything Willie thought he needed before he met Alex.

Alex was more beautiful than a sunset. _Alex was real_ . Alex had rosy cheeks, hair the color of pure gold, eyes deeper than the sea and lighter than the sky at that time of the day. _He_ could've been the angel. But Alex had many lucks compared to an angel.

Alex could feel. And Willie wanted to feel Alex.

"Yes, I do wonder, but you know we can be seen, don't you?" Caleb replied, and it helped Willie not to spiral inside his thoughts. It happened more often than he wanted to, but ever since he met Alex, he didn't hate it. He liked being lost in the sweet idea of the boy. Caleb seemed to know exactly what he was going through; of course he did. "Why don't you make yourself visible to that boy?"

Willie smiled sympathetically. Yes. And then what? Things were too complicated. Alex seemed to already have his businesses to care about, and Willie was the last thing he needed. Yet Willie wanted to learn about Alex. He wanted to talk to him, to listen to what his pretty mouth could say. Alex was all Willie could think about.

"Maybe I will." he declared finally, eyes gazing at the sunset. Thousands of angels surrounded him, filling Malibu beach to the brim. People would've died to have the occasion to witness such beauty, to be there for a sunset like that. But in the sunset curve, Willie saw Alex.

The next morning, Alex had to wake up and live another day.

The weight on his shoulders was unbearable, but he still stood up from his bed and walked towards his bathroom. He looked inside the mirror, tracing his fingers on the ghosts of the tears that he'd poured the past day, then washed it away with ice-cold water. A few splashes of the liquid escaped his hands and wetted his pajama shirt, making him shiver; that was exactly what he needed to confront his parent's disappointed looks yet another morning.

Alex loathed the morning. It was hard to wake up, to dress up for school, and to put on a fake smile so people won't be worried about his safety. He was fine, but he was not.

He walked down the stairs with his backpack draped over one shoulder. His parents didn't wish him a good day, even if both of them were sitting at the kitchen table. His mother was pouring his dad some coffee, his dad read the newspaper like it was the holy bible. It looked sufficiently cliche, extremely suburban, like they came out from a movie. His mom was wearing a pink apron on her dress, his dad was ready for work, one single cup on the perfectly clean tablecloth. The strong sense of nausea that had filled Alex’s body for the whole past day came out again.

Luckily, waiting outside his door were his friends. He saw Reggie first, that was fidgeting with something Alex didn't recognize, and Bobby by his side. Luke was fairly distant from the rest of the group, his arm sitting on Julie's shoulders as he narrated a god-knew-what story about whatever. She laughed, and Luke laughed too. The sound was so warm and known it made Alex feel a little better. A little at home. In the end, they were his real family.

After a moment, Reggie finally noticed his presence and smiled from ear to ear. In a second, he draped his arms around Alex's and pulled him in a hug. He wasn't sure if it was because of Reggie's usual sweetness or because he'd heard from Luke that he'd had a panic attack just the day before. Either way, the attention was more than appreciated.

Then there had been Bobby. Bobby was new, he hugged Alex tight and rubbed his fingers on his back in a soothing way. Alex decided he liked Bobby's hugs, and even if he wasn't going to ask for it ever, he made a mental note to remind Bobby about his skills as a hugger sooner or later. Just to remind him he loved him.

"Good morning ‘Lex!" greeted Reggie, still smiling brightly. Alex smiled too. It felt good to finally smile. He mimicked Luke and hugged Reggie by the shoulders, starting to walk in the direction of their school. They all followed him blindly, like a pack. Alex smiled a little more.

"Mornin' Reg, morning everyone, ready for the chemistry test?" he joked. Some of his friends answered, some didn't, Reggie just asked if he could buy pizza that night for dinner.

Willie, in the distance, watched the scene. And a new unpleasant sensation filled him. He wished he could come to Alex's door in the morning too; he wished he could walk him to school and ask him about his evening and laugh with him.

Willie had no idea of what jealousy was, but he was jealous to the point it was consuming.

He decided to follow him anyway.

Alex was a good student. He always followed the lessons, even if they were hard and Reggie was talking as the teacher explained something. He highlighted with three different colors and wrote with glitter gel pens. His notebooks were every student's dream. Alex wasn't bad in school even if people made it hell on earth for him.

The looks people had as he passed by the hallways were poisonous for the poor boy. They were charged with disappointment like he was wrong, like he was an alien walking among them. Alex had gotten better at ignoring them, and focused on his friends. And whenever they felt he was hurting, Luke grabbed his hand and held it with his. Reggie tugged him a little closer. Bobby just placed a hand on his shoulder and that was enough. Alex loved his friends.

After school, Bobby needed to go home and clean his room or his parents would've killed him with bare hands; Reggie had picked up a small job at a pizza place to spend his time away from home, and Luke had a date with Julie. So Alex decided to stay at school for a little longer. He would've studied at the library and after his date, Luke would've picked him up and they'd have gone to Bobby's for pizza and a movie.

So he was tranquil. Sat at the library, with a book about french history on his lap as he scribbled some notes.

He studied until his eyes hurt, then picked up his stuff and walked back inside the school: outside it was freezing, so it was the best idea.

Inside was dark, silent, the only noise his footsteps echoing in the empty hallways. And then a dark figure leaning next to a door.

Alex's pulse started accelerating. He didn't look familiar, and he was sure janitors didn't dress in a black coat. What if he was armed? What if he was a robber or a psychopath who escaped from some sort of mental hospital? He looked too skinny to hurt, and both his hands were draped by his sides, so if he was armed, Alex would still have a few seconds to run away as he took it. He gathered some courage, gulped heavily, and raised his head.

"Excuse me?" he called in a half voice, shaky. "What are you doing here? Are you a student?"

Willie turned around, looking right inside his eyes. It was just like the first time, his beautiful blue iris staring at Willie like he wanted to read inside his soul. But now, Alex was really looking at him.

"No, no I’m not a student. I'm visiting someone because they were sad." He replied, voice calm and steady, eyes never tearing from Alex's. Alex shivered.

"And who are you visiting at six pm in a high school? Everyone has been gone for hours, there's barely the janitor!" Alex wasn't as scared as he was before, maybe just a little weirded out by the stranger standing in front of him. He was such a singular individual: wrapped in a long black jacket, a turtle neck pullover, black pants, and boots. And his hair, long dark hair on his shoulders to frame his face. He looked ethereal.

"You." one word, yet Alex needed a few seconds to register it. "Me?" he asked with an eyebrow raised, arms crossed in front of his chest as he skimmed the guy from head to toe. "I don't know you. And I'm not sad, or whatever." Alex sarcastically added, but Willie didn't flinch.

"But are you hurting?" he asked with a simplicity that made Alex shiver. And he couldn't lie to those eyes. For some reason, he just couldn't.

"Yesterday, I found out this girl I knew killed herself." he blurted out, lightly blushing, fidgeting a little with his rings. "Did you kill her personally?" his question weirded Alex in a way he couldn't explain. Was this stranger accusing him of being a murderer? He just said she killed herself. He shook his head, confused, and walked closer in Willie's direction.

"I didn't, but I saw her. I talked to her, and I didn't notice how much she was hurting. I could've made a difference." Alex felt his voice break once again. He didn't want to cry in front of a stranger but the more he looked into his eyes, the more he wanted to tell.

"Did you ask her how she was?" Willie asked yet once again. Alex bit on his lower lip. "Yes, I did, but-" "Were you nice to her when you talked to her?”

Alex’s breath hitched in his chest. Because he had no idea. He was just generally nice with everyone because you never know who’s hurting and who’s not. “I think so, yes, but that doesn’t change that I could’ve been nicer. She could’ve been alive now if only I noticed!” Alex looked desperate, voice broken. But Willie laughed. It wasn’t sarcastic, nor pained. Just a genuine, upbeat laugh.

“It wasn’t your fault Alex. And she is alive, just not the way you think” Willie looked at Alex like he was precious, like he was the sun and all the stars, and the moon, and the sky, like he was the entire universe. He had this big bright smile that was so uncharacteristic, both for an angel and for a person that looked like him.

“I don’t believe in that.” Alex stated, not a flinch, but Willie could feel he was broken inside. 

“Some things are true whether you believe in them or not.”

Alex was speechless. Willie never stopped smiling. Not for a second. Alex found it both odd and fascinating at the same time.

“How did you know my name?” Alex asked after a moment, scrunching his nose in confusion. Willie quietly pointed at the notebook in his hands, and Alex immediately remembered he was used to labeling everything he owned. He sheepishly shook his head.

“Right, yes, and what’s yours?” 

Willie never stopped looking at Alex. Alex was magnetically attracted to the stranger. He looked so different from everything he’d ever seen. He didn’t even look real. From the long hair to the bright eyes, or the way he smiled with his entire face, eyes hooded and dimples.

“Willie, I’m Willie.” Alex had to stop staring to realize he’d spoken. And nodded.

“Well Willie, you better get out of here before the evil janitor calls the cops.” For the first time in that little conversation, Alex smiled. He liked Willie, he liked that stranger who spent a second of his life listening to what Alex had been going through. It felt refreshing.

Willie nodded in agreement, and Alex just waved a hand in salutation before he started walking the other way. He turned back only to see which classroom he was in front of, but the second later, Willie wasn’t there anymore. Just an empty hallway with barely any light.

A creepy shiver ran down his spine. It was Mrs. Molina’s classroom, Julie’s mom. It wouldn’t have been difficult to find out who it was, would it? Alex didn’t think too much about it.

Halfway into the hallway, the book he had between his hands fell to the ground. On his way to pick it up, he noticed something. “A. Mercer” is written neatly on the front.

Another shiver. But it was warm and pleasing. 

Alex came home with the stupidest bright smile ever. He didn’t even care about his parents’ annoyance when he entered the house, he ran straight towards his room and took a long shower.

Willie, of course, couldn’t help but follow him. 

Alex made Willie stupidly smile too by just being his own self. Willie wasn’t even _supposed_ to smile, yet as he followed Alex home, listening to the rumble of his thoughts, Willie smiled. And blushed every time Alex thought something about him being cute. 

Eventually, Willie ended up in Alex’s bathroom, admiring the labels of bottles he had no idea what they were for. But all his attention dropped on the blonde once he exited the shower and draped a towel around his waist.

Willie found it beautiful. Graceful almost.

For his age, Alex was broad. He had big shoulders and a toned back, mostly because Luke forced him to work out, and lightly noticeable abs. His damp blonde hair fell on his forehead and Willie thought he looked like a sculpture. Perfect in every detail.

“ _It’s his eyes,_ ” Alex’s thoughts were loud as he looked inside the mirror, hands roaming from the hair to the back of his head, and then caressing the sensitive flesh of his neck. “ _They stare into me like they wanna read inside me_ ” oh if he only knew how much they did.

Alex’s hands caressed all the way down to his chest, fingers tracing the curves of his body like they were a work of art. Willie stood up from his place on the floor and placed himself just behind Alex. He stared at him in the mirror, his eyes following the slow movement of his hand on his almost naked body.

“ _If he could see me now he’d think I’m ridiculous,_ ” Willie didn’t think for a second Alex was ridiculous. Willie thought he was gorgeous. “ _Willie,_ ” he moaned out loud. Willie whimpered. Closed his eyes. Alex kept on with his nonsensical rumbling. “ _What a powerful name, William, it fits him so well._ ”

Willie couldn’t feel, yet being his close to Alex, this intimate, was the closest he’s ever been to feel. Alex closed his eyes, still caressing his skin, and Willie couldn’t keep his hands to himself. A hand fell between his shoulder blades and down his back. Willie wished he could feel the warmth of his skin. Willie wished for a lot of things with Alex.

At some point, Alex had to dress up and head to bed. He thought about Willie for a couple more minutes before he fell asleep. Willie watched him peacefully rest, caressed his hair.

He left only when the daylight crept up from the big window in Alex’s room.

Alex woke up in the morning gigglier than a pudding. He dressed up quickly with his usual pink hoodie and sweatpants, but for some reason, he put extra effort into fixing his hair. His friends would notice, but maybe he wanted them to.

In less than ten minutes, he was out of the door, his friends already gathered outside. He didn’t wait for them to notice him, he bounced in and smiled. 

“Good morning everyone!” Bobby turned to look at him like he was a ghost, Reggie himself was a little thrown aback by his enthusiasm. “Morning ‘Lex, you look happy” Alex was, in fact, happy as he looked. But shrugged it off, hugging both Reggie and Bobby from the shoulders. And then Julie joined them. Alex needed to talk to her like his life depended on it.

“Good morning Julie, can I talk to you for a second?” Luke, who was approaching Julie for their usual morning making out session, looked at him as if he’d just killed his mom. “Just a few seconds, Lukey, I promise, then she’s all yours”

Luke shrugged like it wasn’t a big deal, and they all started walking towards the school.

“So, what did you want to talk about?” asked Julie, getting closer to Alex and placing a hand on his shoulder to get his attention. Alex was so stuck in his thoughts he took a second to register her words. “Oh! Right. Do you know if your mom has a friend called Willie? Or William, something like that”

Julie’s face practically answered Alex’s question. “I’ve never heard him, no, maybe you should ask her, I don’t every single of my mom’s friends. Why?” Alex had no idea how to justify his curiosity. ‘Because yesterday a cute boy was creeping outside her classroom and I think I fell in love with him’. No, absolutely ridiculous. ’Because this creepy dude was searching for her after classes and I wanna report him to the police’. Even worse.

“Oh, nothing particular, I just have to ask her something. Does she have any free periods, as far as you know?” Alex fitted his hands inside his pockets, nervously fidgeting with an old receipt. Why was he obsessed with that guy? “I think she has the fifth period completely free, you can find her in her office.”

Alex nodded and smiled at her. “Thank you, Jules, now go back to Luke before he murders me,” Julie cackled, but nodded in agreement and walked towards her boyfriend, hugging him from behind. Something inside Alex stung, but he ignored it easily. He was gonna have something like that too. He just needed to ask Rose.

After his literature lesson, Alex finally gathered enough courage to go ask Rose about the mysterious guy he met the night earlier. He had all the time in the world, yet something hurried him. He just wanted to see him again, to feel that tingly sensation that filled his body the second he’d gazed inside those eyes. He just wanted that high a little more.

He approached Mrs. Molina's classroom and then he saw him. He was looking at him again.

"Alex, hey, it's a pleasure to see you again."

Alex chuckled. "It's weird to see you, Willie," he gave him the tiniest smile, and suddenly Willie was closer. His presence was massive by that distance, but Alex wasn't intimidated. No, Alex held his gaze, leaving it only to admire his presence. He was in the same black coat as the other day. Same long hair draped over his shoulders. Same chocolate brown eyes, with those tiny golden rings inside them. That guy was a work of art.

"Weird is nice. You like Shakespeare?" Willie asked without missing a beat, pointing to the book Alex was holding in his hands as his life depended on it. Alex shook his head, a breathy laugh escaping his lips.

"Actually I do, even if I have to read it for a class, I'm enjoying it." Both of them glanced at the cover of the tome, 'A Midsummer Night's Dream' engraved in golden ink on the old leather. Alex liked those little things, like the smell of old paper and hardcover books.

"May I?" Willie pointed at the volume, and Alex would've given him his life if he asked, so he nodded, and Willie took it from his hands, brushing his fingers to his. Alex quivered once again.

"Things base and vile, holding no quantity,

Love can transpose to form and dignity.

Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind,

And therefore is winged Cupid painted blind.

Nor hath Love's mind of any judgment taste;

Wings and no eyes figure unheedy haste."

Alex found Willie's voice soothing. He looked so relaxed, so at ease. Willie was a mystery to Alex and for once, he liked the sensation of not knowing what was going on. He trusted Willie even if he had no idea who he was.

"I like Shakespeare. He never fails to describe how things feel, how they taste. He uses both verses and prose, and both of those manage to confer all the things he wants us to perceive.” Alex was too mesmerized by Willie’s reading to even realize what he was saying. So he nodded, and Willie smiled.

“Why are you here, though? You don’t study here, do you know Rose? How do you know Rose?”

Alex wasn’t sure his curiosity was because he was not afraid of that boy anymore. He wanted to know _him_ , not _about_ him. He looked vitreous. No emotions could be recognized from just his eyes. But Alex wasn’t afraid for a split second.

“No, I don’t. I’m just a messenger.” Willie replied. 

Alex frowned. A messenger. Wasn’t that like an adult’s job? Willie couldn’t have possibly been any younger than Alex, he was even smaller than he was. It made no sense at all. “A… messenger? Like, one of those guys who take the papers from the headmaster and spread it to the whole school?”

Willie frowned now. Alex was even more confused. “Oh no, I’m a messenger of God.” Oh no, another one. Another fanatic of religion. Alex wanted to cry a little. There wasn’t way the guy was even remotely gay. But he was so special…

“Oh, and do you have a message for me? Like, how gross gay people are? If my parents hired you to convince me to date Maggie from church, please tell them to fuck off on your way out.” Alex was wasted. He started walking away quickly, tears pricking his eyes, but Willie, somehow, was quicker. He reached Alex and placed a hand on his back, between his shoulder blades, just like that night.

“I already gave you your message, trust me. And if your parents really believed in God, they’d knew They love all his children equally, no matter gay, straight, black or white.”

Alex abruptly stopped walking. Tears wanted to fall down harder than usual. It was single-handedly the most beautiful thing someone had said to Alex in a while.

Alex used to believe in God. He prayed every night, he used to carry a cross everywhere he went. He went to church every Sunday since he remembered. But ever since he came out, his parents told him he was rejected by God. That He banished gay people from his sacred book. 

They refused to take Alex to church now. Alex had stopped praying. He’d stopped believing.

“How are things going, Alex?” before the blonde could’ve started spiraling, Willie had spoken again. Alex was glad he did because he dreaded having a panic attack in front of people he didn’t know. He sniffled, then answered.

“Better. Today I don’t feel like I have killed someone, who knows tomorrow!” His voice was heavy with sarcasm, but Willie didn’t laugh. He looked dead serious. Maybe he didn’t like sarcasm.

“You’re an excellent guy, Alex.” Alex finally looked at him. He didn’t care if he was wrecked, if he felt broken. He looked at Willie, hanging from his lips. “How do you know?”

Willie laughed. It was the most delicious sound that has ever reached Alex’s ears. “I have a feeling.” Poetic, perhaps, but it didn’t convince Alex one bit. “That’s pretty thin evidence.”

There was a moment where the two just looked at each other. Not particularly eyes to eyes. Willie seemed to study Alex, to search for something he couldn’t tell, and even if Alex hated to be looked at, he just wanted to die in that position.

“Close your eyes.”

The order startled the blonde. He’d seen too many thriller movies start like that. He was gonna rob him. Take his wallet and go.

But Willie looked so wickedly sincere. Alex took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

Willie didn’t rob him. He barely touched him at all. He only grabbed his hand, opened it, and trailed a finger from the wrist down to the tip of his ring finger.

“What am I doing?” he murmured, not higher than a whisper, but it rang loud in the blonde’s ears. “You’re touching me,” Alex answered like it was obvious, but to Willie, apparently, it wasn’t.

“Touch. How do you know?” for some reasons unknown to Willie himself, he kept on caressing his hand. It was soothing, even if he couldn’t feel what he was doing.

“Because I feel it.” That’s when Alex opened his eyes. And realized what he meant. “You should trust that. You don’t trust your feelings enough.”

Alex was sure Willie could read his soul. But not actually reading, which was unfairly accurate, more like understanding how he felt most of the time. Perhaps Alex was giving him too much power. Perhaps he liked it like that.

“Let’s go somewhere,” Willie said all of a sudden. What Alex didn’t know was that they weren’t alone. And Willie craved being alone with Alex for unspoken causes. Alex blushed.

“Like where?” he raised an eyebrow, biting on his lower lip. Willie decided he liked that gesture and wanted to see it more. 

“I don’t care.” Willie was now closer to Alex, and Alex’s breath hitched inside his lungs. It was overwhelming but he didn’t dare to move. 

“And do what?” Willie dared to touch him again, brushing a rebellious strand of hair out of the way. Alex bit on his lower lip again.

“Anything.”

And so they did.

Alex wasn’t sure _that_ was considered a date. He’d never been to one so he couldn’t be sure. But he took Willie anywhere he could think of. They went to the park and Alex talked about this movie Willie didn’t know about, then he brought him to a music shop and they’d listened to 70s music. Willie liked Jazz, and weirdly hip-hop.

They ended up sitting on a bench near the skatepark, or so had Alex addressed it. Alex was finally eating his lunch, as he’d spent his break talking to Willie, but it had been worth every second.

“How does that taste? Describe it, like Shakespeare.” Willie pointed to whatever Alex had in his metal lunch box, and Alex giggled, now at ease with the boy. 

“It’s an apple, don’t you know what an apple tastes like?” the blonde placed a piece of the fruit between his lips as he looked at Willie. He’d found out he wasn’t different than a kid, asking a ton of questions and appreciating things about life he’d long forgotten about. Willie made Alex feel enthusiastic about the world.

“I don’t know what it tastes like to you.” and well, that was reasonable. Alex licked his lips before he answered.

“It’s sweet, yet sour. And it’s crunchy. It reminds me of my childhood when I didn’t have to worry about anything but what to play with at the park and what I was going to have as a snack when I came home. It was simple, just as an apple. How does this work for you?”

Willie was hanging from Alex’s lips. Alex didn’t think he had said anything too wonderful, but Willie looked at him in such a way. It made Alex feel so special.

“It was perfect.”

Alex blushed all over once again.

And that’s how the day went. Alex and Willie. They talked for so long. Alex seemed like he hadn’t known what a real conversation sounded like until he met Willie. He knew all the right questions to ask, the ones that kept Alex talking without stopping for entire minutes. Alex’s anxiety seemed like it never existed, every inch of nervousness miles away from his brain.

“I’m in a band” Alex confessed as they walked their ways back to school. Willie suddenly stopped walking and gave Alex one of the biggest smiles ever.

“Oh sweet, and what sort of music do you guys play?” The guy had a weird way to speak. Alex didn’t know any teenager as polite as Willie was, but he enjoyed the lack of bad words or weird slang terms he couldn’t catch up on for dear life.

“I- huh, we’re a blending between classic rock music and pop? I have no idea, but we have fun!” Alex started fidgeting with his backpack, and after a moment, he grabbed a CD with ‘Julie and the Phantoms’ neatly written on the front. He opened the case and revealed a group picture. “Look at this, the girl in the front is Julie, our lead singer, and piano player; by her right, there’s Luke, main guitarist, and male voice; then there’s Reggie, bass player and human ray of sunshine; Bobby there, rhythmic guitar and mother of the whole group... and well this is me, I’m the drummer.”

Alex was panicking again, but not in a bad way. He wanted to confer Willie how much he loved music, and he wanted Willie to like him as well. He was constantly trying to impress him.

“You’re pretty.” Willie declared, making Alex blush from head to toe. The long-haired guy then proceeded to take the case and look at all the pictures inside it, smiling brightly. “You seem so much in your element, you must love music dearly.”

“Yes, yes I do.” he nodded, playing with one of his rings as Willie looked at the pictures. “You should come to one of our concerts, if you want to, of course,” he added, and Willie snapped his head up.

Willie had things to do. He had responsibilities. But he nodded, giving him a hopeful smile. “Yes, I’ll come. I should also bring you back to school, your friends must be looking for you by now”

Alex knew he was right. But he didn’t want that sweet evening to end quite yet. He’d never felt like he felt with Willie. But he had rehearsal and homework, and by the time he was sure Luke was madly worried about where he might be. So he nodded.

“I guess you’re right, Bobby especially.”

They walked back to the school in comfortable silence. Sometimes Willie liked to make small talks about the view, like the trees on the sidewalk or the birds. And Alex found it extremely fascinating and nodded in interest to quotes he had no idea where they came from.

They were lightly bickering about something when they finally came back in front of the classroom of Rose Molina. Alex had even forgotten he wanted to ask her about Willie in the first place. He was about to give him salutations when a panting Julie approached the duo.

“Oh my god Alex finally, we’ve been searching for you all around, come with me please or the guys will kill us both.”

Julie didn’t notice Alex wasn’t alone, she started rushing down the hallway once again, leaving Alex at a crossroad: should he give up all and try to give him an awkward goodbye kiss or ask him to wait so he can have the time to think while he assures his friends he hadn’t been kidnapped?

“Okay, let me just... I’ll be back in two minutes, please don’t go away, stay right here- just, two minutes, okay?” Apparently, he’d decided for the second way, and he gave one last look to the guy before he started to chase down Julie.

Willie didn’t know what to do. Alex had seemed worried, what if he wasn’t coming back? Willie shouldn’t be any obstacle in Alex’s life.

Alex reached his friends short of breath. They were reunited in a circle, and when Alex finally arrived, they started scolding him, all together at the same time. Out of all the voices, Luke’s was the loudest.

“Alex for fuck’s sake where have you been? You disappeared without saying a word!”

Reggie, in the meantime, was already hugging Alex, tears running down his cheeks. The blonde felt extremely guilty. He hugged Reggie back, stroking his hair to calm him down. “Reg, it’s fine, I’m here.” he shook his head, leaving a kiss on his forehead. Alex knew he wasn’t affectionate enough to his friends, sometimes, but he cared about every single one of them. “Bobby said you might’ve been kidnapped!” he whined, and Alex looked up to Bobby, who raised his hands in defeat. “Why would you scare him like that?”

“Listen, there was a possibility! I didn’t want him to be too surprised when we discovered you had been murdered!” Reggie sobbed harder in Alex’s embrace, and Alex smacked Bobby on the back of his neck. “You idiot. It’s okay, Reg, I’m fine. I was just... doing something, I’m sorry I didn’t say anything.

“Okay, now that we all established that I’m not dead, can you give me a minute? I need to finish my thing, I promise you I won’t die in the meantime. Just wait here.”

Alex let Reggie unwillingly go, and hurried back to Mrs. Molina’s classroom. But Willie wasn’t there.

Alex’s heart broke a little. But he didn’t cry. He kept a smile on and went back to his friends.

Willie just now realized how dangerous it was for him to be in love with Alex.

“I can’t see you, but I know you’re here.”

A voice broke the silence. Willie, who was sitting on a table next to the door, turned to look around. A woman with long curly hair was looking right at him, but Willie was totally sure he wasn’t visible.

“I’m not sure what you want from Alex, but you know this is dangerous,” she added again. That was when Willie decided to show himself and look at the woman.

“How do you know I’m here? Who are you?” he had no idea why he was worried, he was a celestial body, she couldn’t do anything anyway. But maybe she could put Alex in danger, and _that_ was the last thing he wanted.

The woman chuckled, shaking her head. “I forgot how beautiful everyone is.

“Maybe I should introduce myself: I’m Mary Rose Molina, music teacher at Los Feliz high school, happily married and mother of two, former celestial body and recent addition to the human race. Would you like a coffee? I can answer all the questions you have if you’ll answer mines.” And well, Willie didn’t have anything better to do than to spend time with what used to be an angel. Or so she claimed.

So he nodded. No questions, nothing to say. He followed Rose out of the school, blindly.

They ended up in a coffee shop, Rose sat in front of Willie. She had a steamy cup of coffee in front of her as well as a piece of cake. It looked so good even Willie wished he could take a bite of that. Humans were lucky in that department.

“So, what are your intentions with Alex? He’s a good friend of my Julie, and I don’t want him to get hurt.” she started, taking a long swig of her coffee. Willie almost choked on his saliva, and Willie had no idea he’d been swallowing saliva the whole time, as it was such a human thing.

“I- You can’t be serious. I don’t believe you, you’re not an angel.” Willie didn’t answer the question quite yet. He knew he could hurt Alex, and the thought hurt Willie too, even if human emotions weren’t his thing.

“You want proof? You hang out at a library, you gather at sunset, speak all the languages existing and you can travel at the speed of thought.” she chuckled. “ _And you’re reading my mind right now_ ” she added, and Willie was slightly taken aback. She knew too many things.

“Stop that!” but she only chuckled. “You are the one doing that!” Rose one, Willie zero.

“It’s impossible” he kept going, now a lot more interested in the woman sitting in front of him. “Some things are true whether you believe in them or not.” Willie shuddered. “How?”

Rose took a second to answer, pondering whether it was safe to tell him or not. If Willie was ‘willing’ to lose all the privileges he had as an angel to fall to earth, the boy must’ve been a real one. She took a deep breath. “You fall. You make up your mind and you fall. Jump off a bridge, throw yourself out of a window, leave all you’ve known up until now and you fall. You’ll wake up smelling like garbage, head hurting, hungrier than you’ve ever been in your life, and you don’t know what hunger is, and you’re confused, it hurts, but it hurts so good”

Willie gasped, realizing what she was saying. “Human...?” he placed his head on his palm.

“Listen, you really think They gave all the good things to who’s down here? No, there’s something for us angels too.” she was still sipping on her tea, her voice warm and soothing. All while Willie internally freaked out. “Is there?”

She smiled. “Free Will it’s what’s given to angels, William.” Free Will. What a wild concept. Willie had never felt free, except when he was with Alex. With Alex it was like he didn’t have responsibilities: it was just Alex, the sky, and his eyes.

“Are there any others like you? You know… Fallen.” the word tasted bitter on Willie’s tongue; he didn’t even have the idea he could think of something like that. To fall.

“There sure are, but they usually pass by. Really no one wants to remember the life they’ve left behind, you know?” Rose often spoke like things were obvious, but every word she pronounced only generated more questions in Willie’s child-like brain.

“Then why did you do it, why wou-” But a breathy laugh all that came out of her lips, shaking her head in amusement. She pulled out of her purse her wallet and started showing him some pictures. Willie was hooked all over again.

“So this is my daughter Julie, you might’ve seen her around Alex if you, like I suspect, had been following him around lately, and this is her brother Carlos, ten years old, a little devil. These are Julie’s friends, I believe you already know them, they’re like children to me, and then there’s Ray.” she stopped for a moment, taking a long sip of her tea.

“I met Ray when I think I was your age, if not younger. His mom had been jumping from death to life for a while, so I had to stick around, and got to know Ray. He talked about his passions, and showed her pictures- he always liked cameras and filming and generally photography- and I don’t know what happened, I fell, but in love with him.” 

Willie was terrified by Rose’s words. Because he too felt like that, interested in anything Alex did, following him around all the time just to catch a glimpse of his humanity. His. Not humanity. _His_ humanity. Willie quivered. 

“When I came down here I had nothing. No money, no family, no ID, it was just me, and Ray helped me find a position. I worked as a waitress for a while, studied after my shifts with which I paid school, and graduated to become a teacher. And Ray never stopped loving me for one blink in all that time. When I fell, I knew it was the right choice. Never regretted it.”

Willie was barely listening anymore. He just wondered. He could fall. He wanted to. He wanted to be able to hold Alex’s hand, to know what his hair smelled like, he wanted to see the world from his perspective. He wanted to lighten his pain.

“Listen, I don’t know what you want to do with Alex, okay? But don’t you dare to hurt him.” to the vague threat, Willie straightened up and looked back up at Rose. “I have never been interested in anything as I am towards Alex. I don’t think I’d ever even _wanted_ anything before I met him. He’s so-” “-different, yes, I know the feeling. Then what are you waiting for?”

Yes, what was he waiting for?

That’s what he ended up thinking as he sat on the roof of a house next to Alex’s. He could see the blonde sitting in the living room, scribbling something on a book. Willie wanted to get closer, close as he’d been that morning. 

“Hey.” Caleb reached him, placing a hand on his shoulder. Willie looked up at him, inviting him to sit down. Caleb silently accepted, gazing at Alex from the window as Willie was.

“Did you know? That you can become one of them?” Willie started, not looking up. Alex was too beautiful not to stare, trying to memorize every single detail about him. “What?” Caleb frowned. The world was going upside down: Willie was in love, Caleb had doubts. What was going to go next? Was Willie gonna fall? Yet to discover. 

“Yes, you make up your mind and find a good high spot. Then you jump, just close your eyes and jump, and you’re done. You wake up and you’re one of them. Can you imagine?” Willie’s eyes sparkled brightly to the thought, and Caleb smiled too. 

“To smell the air and taste water” He started, and Willie nodded, the biggest smile on. “The breeze on your face” he added, and so did Caleb “to feed a dog!” 

Willie gave one last look to Alex, that was now fidgeting with a Rubik's cube. He looked so concentrated, hair covering his eyes. “To touch his hair…” Willie murmured under his breath. Caleb chuckled.

“What’s stopping you?” Caleb asked.

Willie didn’t know.

He had decided to find out.

Alex had finally settled his mind on the idea of never seeing Willie again. He knew less than nothing about him, no one around the school had ever heard about him, so he decided to focus on what was there. He studied, got mediocre grades but he didn’t care and went to rehearsal with the guys.

He was in fact on his way home from band rehearsal when Alex saw Willie again. He had a smile on, but Alex didn’t smile back. He was mad, maybe. But he couldn’t be mad, not to him, not when he was this bright. 

“And there you are again” he groaned, half amused and half annoyed by the fact he didn’t just disappear. It would’ve been easier to forget him. “How come you always find me and then somehow you’re gone again? Why?”

He was right. Willie always came and then he was gone again. He’d been knowing for a while that the situation was too complicated, but he was addicted to that boy. To his presence, to the fact that he was alive and thriving, while Willie wasn’t any of that. 

“It’s- it’s complicated, I-” Willie started, but Alex interrupted him before he could go on.

“For you it’s complicated, Willie? I wait all day for one more minute with you and I don’t even know you.”

Willie wanted to feel. He knew the words should’ve hurt him, but something bigger made him incapable of experiencing pain. It was as bad as Alex was feeling, maybe even worse. To be empty, while in front of the person you know you care about. Why could he sense love and not pain? He wanted it, he wanted to be torn from the inside for the things he’d done to that poor boy.

“What do you wanna know?” was all he managed to ask, and Alex shook his head, probably not expecting a question like that. 

“I- I don’t know… why do you wear the same clothes every time I see you? Why won’t you give me your phone number… do you have a girlfriend or something?” Alex wasn’t sure he wanted to know the answer, but he realized it only after he pronounced the words. And now he’d have to listen to the reply.

“No, I do not.” Alex sighed in relief, but that didn’t answer half of his doubts anyways. “Are you homeless then?” This time, Willie smiled a little and shook his head vigorously. “No, I’m not.”

His answers only made Alex more and more confused. “Then why don’t you ever touch me?” 

And as every Willie’s sentence did, his answer gave Alex a warm jolt down his spine. “I don’t wanna hurt you.” It was so thoughtful, in the nonsense of it. “You could never hurt me.”

Alex walked closer towards Willie’s direction. His breathing had gotten quicker, his heart was pounding, then Alex’s hands cupped Willie’s cheeks and he kissed him.

Show-stopping. Alex closed his eyes and melted once again in that position. Only he had no idea it had happened before.

Alex had kissed a fair amount of people before. His first kiss had been Luke, they were young and dumb over any level of dumbness. Then there had been a couple of girls, both to forget about Luke and to convince himself it was _right_ to kiss girls. Then Luke again. They’d been older, Luke had more experience and it had been so right. And from then Alex had only kissed a couple of other boys.

But none of the people he’d kissed were like Willie. The pressure was just right, the way his tongue lightly brushed against his in the contact, and his hands on his face, Alex wasn’t sure he was even breathing. And it lasted long. They kissed, Willie had his hands on Alex’s neck and didn’t care if they were in the middle of the street. It was just right.

They parted after what felt an eternity. Alex was flushed from head to toe, hands twitching, panting heavily, so many emotions at once. Willie was untouched. He just looked beautiful as he’d ever been.

“Did you feel that?” Alex asked while breathing heavily, a small hopeful smile on his lips. Willie just looked at him, pity in his eyes. Alex’s smile was slowly replaced by pain once again. Willie wanted to crawl away. “If only I could make you understand…”

“I understand.” he quickly answered, shaking his head not to let the panic rise inside his chest quite yet. “I. huh- I’ll see you around, I guess.” The blonde then proceeded to walk away, until he was far enough to start running. 

He didn’t know how long he ran, but when he came home, it was apparently very past his curfew. He opened the door and his parents were sitting in the living room, looking up at the entrance like they’d been waiting for Alex all evening. 

“Alexander, does this look like time to come home, to you?” his mother started, but she was quickly replaced by his father. “You’re such a delusion.”

Alex was already fed up, but he stood by the door frame, while his dad stood up and walked towards him. “Your grades had been dropping recently because you spend all the time playing with that pathetic band of yours, now you also come late without doing homework, and to top it, Maggie’s mom, Karen, saw you kissing this _male_ in front of her house and won’t let Maggie even get close to you ever again. I always knew you were the kid that went out wrong, but I wasn’t expecting it this wrong.”

Alex’s panic attack was rising loud again, but he was frozen on the spot as his dad made a fool of him. “You’re disgusting, Alexander. You’re not my son.”

That’s when Alex broke.

He chuckled. His father raised an eyebrow, but before he could hit him, Alex shifted by his side and kept on laughing, tears running again on his face. “You know what? I’m glad I’m not. Because I had the worst fucking day. And when I came home, this man started saying shit about my identity and my passions and the people I really love. And I’d be broken if said man was my dad. So I’m glad I’m not the son of a homophobic piece of shit.”

The slap hit hard. Alex was sure the print of his hand was gonna stain his face for a long time. He looked at his mother, for help, but she didn’t have the courage to stand his gaze. So when his father had mercy on him, he slowly walked upstairs and crawled inside his bed.

Willie, who was standing by his side, gulped. He knew that was partially his fault. He wanted to make Alex happy, not broken. He needed to fix it.

He decided to keep a low profile for a few days. Alex eventually got a little better, he sure had some wonderful friends. He didn’t mention Willie once, no, he kept his existence a secret, but Rose just knew he’d done something bad. She had an incredible sense. 

Willie was roaming around the school when Rose approached him.

“You need to apologize to Alex and tell him the truth. Then you better disappear. I’m not letting you hurt him, I said this already and I’m willing to keep my promise.”

She was right, he had to. He couldn’t tell him he was an angel. It would’ve torn him to pieces, he didn’t want him to. But he had to. 

Rose couldn’t see him, but she already knew he agreed with him. And that’s how Willie ended up in Rose’s garage, on a plastic chair, with Julie’s cousin braiding his long hair. He liked the attention of children, and children were naturally attracted by Willie’s presence.

Alex entered the room with a smile, but it died when he saw Willie. And Willie hated making Alex that sad, especially when he knew that in the past he’d made him calm, and smile.

He quietly sat next to Willie as the party went on. “What are you doing here?”

Willie immediately looked at him; he had missed his eyes so much. “Rose invited me, and I’m no one to turn down an invitation,” he said calmly, as usual, but his tranquility made Alex’s blood boil. How could he be so fine? Had all of that been a joke? 

“I think we need to talk.” Willie sighed. The moment had come. He stood up, and Rose eyed him from a distance, then nodded. He was going to do the right thing. 

They walked for a while, in silence. Willie couldn’t read his thoughts as they were too chaotic; maybe he didn’t want to. He wanted to be a human like him and just love him freely as a human would.

“So, hi Willie, tell me, is it funny to break my heart? Is it entertaining for you to come here and pretend as nothing happened between us? Tell me, because I don’t understand-” his voice broke in a loud sigh, and if Willie had a heart, it would’ve shrunk to the sight. 

“It’s a lot to explain Alex-” “It’s literally so easy, either you love me or you hate me and you’re there to ruin my life. I thought you were a good guy, what did I do wrong?”

Alex looked at Willie searching for answers, but Willie didn’t have any plausible ones. Willie loved Alex. But he couldn’t. And he also couldn’t lie, so he stayed silent and looked at Alex.

Thanks to whatever deity was there above them, the moment was interrupted by a photographer.   
“Hello, Rose told me to take some pictures around, would you like one?” 

“I- don’t think-” But before Willie nor Alex could actually complain, the guy took the picture. Alex always looked effortlessly good, but what about Willie? Willie had no idea how pictures worked and that was scary. 

The photographer only had the time to give Alex the picture that came out of the camera before he was approached by another couple. 

“Come on darling, let’s go get a picture!” exclaimed the woman with a vague Hispanic accent, clearly tipsy. Alex giggled, Willie did too, even if the angel had no idea why he should’ve. 

The blonde had started fidgeting with the picture, waiting for it to appear on the film, but their temporary peace was interrupted by the sound of shattering glass. Right by Willie’s side, what used to be a flute for champagne, was now torn to pieces by the angel’s leg. 

Willie started slightly panicking. He should’ve gotten bruises, blood, out of the cut. Yet angels couldn’t get hurt, at all. But Alex had no idea. 

“Oh my god, are you okay? She dropped it right at you, oh shit let me grab a towel” Alex’s panicking was raising. The Hispanic woman who was holding the flute was now running to probably get something to clean with. Willie remained unabashed, while Alex searched quickly for something to help Willie with. 

“Come on, raise your pants-” but once the blonde approached Willie’s leg, nothing was there. His expression was pure confusion, and he had all the rights. “You were- you’re not, what the fuck,” he muttered under his breath. “Willie you-”

Willie stayed silent. He couldn’t lie. “I-” but something insane sparkled inside Alex’s brain in the meantime. With bare hands, he grabbed a piece of glass and scraped the thing against Willie’s skin. 

Willie immediately grabbed the piece of fabric the blonde had between his hands and used it to pat a bruise that wasn’t there, but Alex insisted. “Let me see the bruise.” 

“No.” Willie replied, but Alex was so shocked he didn’t hesitate to tear the piece of fabric away from Willie’s flesh. Nothing on it, not a single drop of blood on the immaculate cloth. Alex was bleeding just from having held the glass, and Willie wasn’t from a cut.

“What the fuck are you.” it didn’t even sound like a question, pure terror inside Alex’s eyes. Willie looked so sorry. “You don’t understand!” the angel’s voice was desperate and raspy, and deep down Alex was moved from it. But on the surface, he actually was just scared. Then a slap on the raw flesh of Willie’s face. Willie was unmoved.

“Alex I-” “Did you feel this?” he asked, voice broken. Another slap on Willie’s face. “Why won’t you feel-” “I don’t feel it the way you do!” Alex kept on walking away from the angel, and Willie couldn’t help but follow him.

Alex made the terrible decision to look at the picture at that moment. There was Alex, and then, by his side, a strong streak of light. Alex would’ve preferred dying on the spot. He looked at Willie, waiting for an explanation.

“I came to take Addison, you were with her at the park, and suddenly you looked at me. You felt I was there and stared inside me like I was special, like I was one of you, and I had to meet you again. All I did was out of love, Alex, you have to believe me.” Now Willie’s voice was in pieces. But Alex wasn’t listening anymore.

Tears filled his dark blue irises and Willie wished he could die on the spot. “Stay away from me and don’t you ever come back.” He declared, then he closed his eyes. When they opened again, a few seconds later, Willie was gone. And Alex sobbed harder. 

That night Alex came home with a hollow inside his chest. His hands wouldn’t stop shaking, and the picture the two of them took was now wrinkly from how much he’d fidgeted with it. He was in the middle of his room, trying to erase every memory of Willie. But the more he touched his body, the more he remembered how much he’d wished the boy would touch him.

Suddenly, he felt a jolt down his spine. A warm feeling between his shoulder blades. Of course, Willie was there. “Make yourself visible, I wanna see you.” He declared with a stern tone, and Willie, that was standing at his back, gulped. But he didn't move. He instead started caressing all those parts, from his neck to the chest, he trailed his fingers down his sternum and on his abs, and Alex melted inside it like it was the first time.

“Please don’t leave” now he sounded desperate, clinging to that single hand the angel had on his back. The blonde was crying again, but no sobbing, just slow tears running down his face. If Willie had a human heart, it would’ve shattered in fragments. “Stay for the night.”

Alex eventually managed to crawl under the duvet and cried a little more. Willie stayed as he requested. This time the contact was different. Even if Willie couldn’t feel, he held Alex close. Alex seemed reassured by the warmth the angel had no idea he possessed. He wanted to sob, but Willie didn’t let him. Somehow, he managed to calm him down.

Alex slept the best he’d had in his entire life. When he woke up, Willie wasn’t by his side. But what Alex didn’t know was that the angel had spent all night looking at him, and him only. And the only reason he’d left, was that he had things to do. Things to do for Alex.

Even if Alex was drained from any energy or will to exist, he still went to school, still put on a smile, and none of his friends knew what had happened after he left the party because he had a banging headache.

But as Alex went on with his school day, Willie had climbed the highest building he knew in the town.

He liked heights, he could hang on rooftops and billboards, but his favorite place was the Hollywood sign. Now he was standing on top of a construction site and took a deep breath even if he didn’t need it. 

Caleb conjured right next to his friend and sat by his side silently. “So you’re gonna do it.”

Willie turned around, and he sighed again. “I’m going to miss you, friend.” Willie was sincere, and Caleb nodded in sympathy. Then placed a hand on his shoulder. “What about one last sunset? Aren’t you going to miss it?”

This time, Willie didn’t flinch for a second. “No sunset will ever be as beautiful as his smile.”

Yes, maybe Willie sounded like a book. But he was the most sincere he could be. 

And anyway, he agreed to watch the sunset with Caleb one last time. He was going to miss the music, he was going to miss the view like an angel could see it. But he felt like his time as an angel was done.

That same night, he wandered back on the top of the building. The view was breathtaking, the lights of the city were always that beautiful, and maybe the part Willie was going to miss the most was the ability to stand on tall places to admire the landscape. But he was settled.

Willie looked down, in the vastity of Los Angeles, a city that never sleeps. And even if the place was full of people, he was sure no one would notice him. Wasn’t that a good metaphor for life? Even if it really was like this, Willie wasn’t thinking twice. 

It was a weird feeling to set up your mind for a step like such. Willie would have described it as digging inside your soul to find who you really are. 

Willie looked at the sky of Los Angeles and saw Alex. 

He thought of all the times where he’d gazed at the immaculate sky of the City of Angels and had seen the color of Alex’s eyes, the purity of his irises, the innocence.

He imagined how bright his eyes would’ve been if Willie had been a human like him. The pure happiness he would’ve found in his gaze if he’d felt the kiss the two had shared that afternoon. The serenity of being by Alex’s side at Rose’s party if Willie had been Alex’s human partner. 

Another blink at the sky and Willie let go.

Then dark.

* * *


	2. ...I just want you to know who I am.

“He was perfect Jules, you have to believe me! He’s the most beautiful guy I’ve ever seen!” Alex cried, slamming his head on the table of Julie’s kitchen. The girl caressed his hair, as her mother reached the two with a plate filled with tacos. 

“I’m sure you will find someone else, Lex, he couldn’t have been that special,” she contested, and Alex laughed painfully. 

“I’ve never seen a pair of eyes like his. He looked at me like I was the whole universe.” 

Julie sighed. “Let me grab you a blanket. Mom, can Alex stay over? I don’t think it’s okay for him to go back to his parents while he’s feeling like this…” 

Rose just nodded, and to her approval, Julie stood up from her seat and walked up the stairs. She was such an angel, Alex thought, and her mother two. The two were really similar, both of good heart and eager to help others. Alex felt home.

“He didn’t tell you, huh?” Rose interrupted the silence, and Alex’s head jolted up in confusion. “He who? Didn’t tell me what? Miss Molina, I don’t-”

Rose shook her head and encouraged Alex to take a bite of food. Even if the blonde felt nauseous, he knew she wouldn’t have given up until he ate something, so he grabbed a taco and bit on the shell. As he ate, Rose began explaining.

“You said he looked at you like you’re the whole universe. You are.” 

Alex suddenly felt weak everywhere. His eyes filled with tears. “You don’t understand-” “I do. Willie knows no fear, no pain, no hunger. He hears music in the sunrise. But he’d give it all up, he loves you that much.”

Alex was more confused than ever. No, he wasn’t just confused, he was hurt, shattered to pieces, so much he felt dizzy. Suddenly he dropped his food and looked at Rose with shiny eyes. “I don’t understand.”

Rose sighed. “He can fall. He can give up eternity and become… one of us, humans.”

The idea made Alex feel things he wasn’t sure he could describe. The idea of someone giving up everything one could wish just for  _ him _ was beyond crazy, and it was sad, yet it was the best feeling ever, to be loved so much one would give up everything for you. 

“How do you know?” he asked after a long silence, just now comprehending who had said those words. 

Another silence. “Because I did it.”

When Willie woke up, his head was pounding. He was sure he was bleeding, and every single part of his body ached. It was like his lungs had been smashed under thousands of pounds of metal, and maybe they were, he wasn’t sure. 

And then he realized. 

_ Feelings _ . 

Willie  _ felt _ pain. 

He was about to jump in euphoria if his entire being didn’t sting from the worst pain he could’ve imagined. Then a voice. Or more than one, he wasn’t sure of that either. 

“Hello? Is everything alright?” it was a girl for sure, but Willie didn’t recognize her. He stood to sit, a bad decision because he immediately wanted to puke after, but he managed to take a look at the crowd. Several girls, all dressed in sequins and skirts, were circled around Willie. 

“Carrie, shall we call 991?” He overheard one asking and her friend by her side shook her head. 

The young lady still by Willie’s side called him again. And he realized only at that moment that it was very much the night and that a group of teens had stopped when they saw an apparently dead body on their way to some kind of party. Having a human conscience was weird. 

“Huh, hello?” She asked again, and only then Willie reacted. “Yes, yes I’m fine. Can you tell me where Los Feliz Highschool is?” nailed it. A new-human Willie had just managed to ask the weirdest question he could’ve formed as his first words. 

The girl frowned. “I think we should call you an ambulance-” “No! Please, don’t. Just tell me where it is, please” the angel’s voice was broken, and he looked inside the girl’s eyes. He knew he made no sense, he could’ve been some sort of mental ill escaped from a hospital. But he was lucky some people don’t think through things too much. 

“It’s about twenty minutes up that street, you just follow the signs that say ‘Los Feliz’ and you’ll be there. What are you doing at a school at-” she checked her watch “six-thirty pm, anyway” 

Willie vigorously shook his head. Bad move again. He still wasn’t used to his human body. “My grandmother lives by the place, I was passing by here and huh, got hit and robbed” lying was weird too. Willie felt bad, but the girl seemed to nod, understanding. 

“Are you sure you don’t want an ambulance? You seem to be bleeding…” Willie touched the back of his head and that sharp pain filled his sinuses again. He sure was bleeding, but it wasn’t worse than a scratch. And even if it was, it wasn’t important. 

“I’m sure. Thank you, ma’am” he smiled, sure the move would’ve made her feel reassured. The young woman looked up to her friends, then she stood up, and in a moment they were gone. 

Once Willie was alone he stood up and looked around. Then he took a deep breath because now he could. The air smelled bad and Willie didn’t know why he knew, but he did. 

Nothing really mattered though. He gathered all the strength he possessed, not a lot in that particular moment, and started walking. The worst part about being an angel was definitely the fact that he couldn’t just poof in the place where he wanted to be. And walking wasn’t easy, he lacked coordination, and gravity was something he never thought he should’ve worried about. 

But he did. He walked, slowly, then faster, then he was running, lungs burning, head spinning, the need to puke stronger every minute. Tears started pickling his eyes, and the boy stopped, patting his cheeks lightly. 

“Tears!” he cried with a smile on, chuckling for no particular reason. Someone passing by looked bad at him, but the euphoria of feeling something like  _ pain _ for the first time was enough for him not to care. 

The new sensation renovated the strength in Willie’s body, and he started running again. In the distance, he could finally see the gymnasium. 

His breath was heavy,  _ breath _ , as he reached the door, where he finally saw his reflection. He never thought he looked like  _ that _ , but perhaps he didn’t. Did angels change their appearance when they fell? Alex was the only one that could tell. 

He ran in the empty hallways of the school, searching for literally anyone. 

Maybe not anyone. 

He knew he was looking for Alex, but he wasn’t lucky enough to hope he was still in school that late at night. So what he was actually searching for was someone who knew Alex even from afar. 

“William?” a voice he knew. He turned around the faster his human body could, and his head started spinning hard again. But a pair of arms wrapped him before he could fall to the ground. And it was dark again. 

“Rose?” he called once his eyes weren’t as blurry anymore, the light in front of his eyes blinding. “Close enough, I’m Julie, my mom came to grab some ice. You’re hella bruised, what happened?” 

Willie blinked once or twice, looking at the girl for a moment. Then he realized. “Julie! The singer! You’re in Alex’s band?” 

Out of all the things Julie could’ve said, she pointed out: “Me? In Alex’s band? More like Alex is in  _ my _ band!” 

Willie chuckled, trying to stand up, but the girl pinned him in place. “Hey, gringo, you’re not moving, I’m pretty sure you had some bad brain damage, but mom insisted to go grab ice,” 

Willie knew he had to thank God for that. Rose was protecting him, he had no ID and the woman knew, so he couldn’t even think to go to the hospital. He was about to reply, but Rose joined the two. 

“You fell?” Rose asked, looking right into the eyes of the young man. Nothing suspicious in that, except that only Rose and Willie knew what she meant. He cracked a smile. 

“I did. Crazy, right? Falling…” he sighed, happily, and Julie looked at him with a frown. 

“There’s nothing really crazy in falling, it happens all the time to Reggie, like  _ all _ the time!” to Julie’s comment, Rose and Willie shared a certain look, and the woman nodded. “Yes, indeed, nothing crazy. You’re coming home with us-“ 

“No! I can’t. I need to see Alex!” Willie whined, both for the pain and for the need of doing what he announced. His eyes darkened, he was dead serious. 

“I- Willie you’re-“ “Alex. I need to see Alex.” He contested again, standing up from his place on the floor. Rose sighed. 

“Julie, run to the car and make space on the backseat, is Alex still staying at Bobby’s?” Julie, who hadn’t spoken in a moment, jolted up as if she’d finally understood everything. “Are you Alex’s boyfriend?” 

The thought warmed Willie up from head to toe. Love was strange. “Yes, something like that. Perhaps soon, if I managed to arrive at his place fast enough.” 

Julie seemed to understand, and she nodded before she grabbed the keys and sprinted outside. 

Rose helped Willie up, looking at him in the eyes. Angels did that quite a lot apparently. 

“Regrets?” 

“None.” 

Not longer than fifteen minutes later, Willie was standing in front of Bobby’s garage door, or so had said Julie. The boy wasn’t even home, just Alex, getting ready to go to bed, probably. 

Yet what was stopping Willie from knocking? 

_ Fear _ . He’d never experienced something like fear. He was frozen in place, and at some point, it had started raining. 

Willie was drenched. Wrapped in his dark coat, which was slowly becoming a second skin, he finally walked towards the plastic door. One solid knock. 

No answer. 

Willie’s heart broke a little. 

He looked up at the sky, rain now falling straight on his miserable face. One single tear fell on his face. It was easier to cry in the rain.

“Hey, Caleb. I don’t know if you can hear me, but if you can, I need your help. If this is the right choice, please help me. Give me a sign, I don’t know. If this is right, help me.”

And then a sleepy Alex, wrapped in an oversized hoodie and pajama pants with tiny batmen on, appeared in front of him. 

“Willie?” 

He was holding a bag of trash, probably taking it outside for the dump truck to take it the day after.

Now Willie was sure he was crying. Thank you, Caleb. 

“Am I too late?”

Alex dropped what he had in his hands and walked towards the boy, slowly, like he was scared of him all of a sudden. Once he was close enough, he dared to touch him. His fingers reached a still opened wound, and Willie hissed in pain. 

“You’re bleeding.” 

Willie nodded, tears still falling down his face mixed with the pouring rain. “Free will.”

This time Willie grabbed Alex. He placed one hand on his cheek and pulled him the closer he could. As if Alex was the one that could suddenly go away. And then they kissed.

It wasn’t hungry like the first time. It was tender, it began as a brush of lips, that made Willie shiver, then his lips were pressed on Alex’s and he melted. He closed his eyes, pulling him closer, in a hug, to touch and feel everything he could, his hands roaming around his torso and under the shirt that now was stuck to him. 

It had been so worth it. 

Alex slowly pulled away, while Willie searched him again and again, following the blonde inside the garage.

It was warm, Alex had turned on the comforter, so he didn’t hesitate to undress the brunette. It was the first time for Alex too, his hands didn’t know where to touch, while Willie had a natural talent. 

The angel had broad shoulders. His chest was toned, his hair lightly caressed his back in a way Alex would’ve looked at forever. His skin was perfect, soft and warm and alive. And to every single touch, every kiss, Willie whimpered. Willie could sense him.

Alex had sat Willie down on the couch, positioning himself on top of him straddling his lap. He then began kissing his neck, biting, sucking,  _ marking _ , and it made Willie feel alive. 

“Tell me how it feels,” Alex murmured against Willie’s dark skin. Under the dim light, it glowed like pure gold. Undescribable. 

Willie moaned, already panting, as he pulled Alex closer. “I can’t, I-” “Try. I want you to tell me how this feels.” before he could protest, the blonde kissed him, and his world turned upside down. 

Before he knew, Alex had peeled Willie’s pants off, The brunette gasped, seeing himself for the first time, sensing things he didn’t know the name of. He wasn’t controlling his body anymore, it was all Alex and his pretty hands.

Willie tried to answer, but then the blonde had poured something cold and slick on him and had begun stroking, and he saw heaven. 

His head fell back in a loud moan, his chest rising and falling quickly. “Alex…” he whimpered, one hand pulling his hair. Alex moaned too now. “Shit, Will-”

The angel gasped, pulling him up in a kiss, his hands on his hips, but it didn’t nearly stop Alex from dropping bare on Willie’s weight, stilling all at once. 

“Oh my God you’re huge,” slipped from Alex’s swollen lips, and it made Willie laugh. The best sound Alex will ever hear for sure. He stopped for a moment, trying to adjust to the feeling of fullness that stung his back. Then he began rocking his hips. 

“How does this feel?” Alex asked again between pants, as Willie moaned loud. It was obscene, the slick sound of their flesh slapping against each other, and the pleasing sounds the brunette was pulling out. 

This time, Willie spoke. “Warm.” he moaned, mouth searching Alex’s. It was a slow dance, a heavy rhythm they were writing together. “Aching” he added after a while, as his fingers scratched Alex’s creamy back. He couldn’t stop touching, grabbing, taking the blonde’s thighs in two hands, and squeezing. 

“It’s okay, we fit together” the drummer answered, head falling back as Willie touched his soft spot. He was trembling everywhere, coming undone between the hands of his lover. “We were made to fit together.”

They made love for hours. With their bodies, their eyes, hands searching one another, mouths colliding and tongues tasting, twisting, playing. And then they fell asleep, tangled, Willie’s face buried in Alex’s blonde hair. He smelled incredible, like freedom and lust. 

Eventually, the morning came. And Alex didn’t wake up alone. 

Willie was holding him possessively, one hand on his stomach and the other through his hair. Alex felt sore, but he wasn’t going to move from that position for anything in the world.

Exactly at the moment, he thought about that, Willie stirred next to him and started leaving kisses on his shoulder, neck, and all the way up to his face. “Hmm, ‘morning”

Alex turned around to look inside his lover’s eyes. “Is it true that you can hear music in the sunset?” he asked all of a sudden, tracing the profile of Willie’s face with one finger. Willie smiled, giving a peck to the pad once it reached his lips. 

“All angels can hear the music of the sun. When it’s the sunset or the sunrise it’s loud and clear,” he murmured, still half asleep, But Alex had different plans. He sat up and grabbed Willie’s hand. 

“On the roof of Bobby’s house the sunrise is amazing, do you wanna come to look at the sunrise with me?”

The simplicity of the request made the angel smile. Then he realized that maybe he was asking him because no one before had said yes. He stood too, kissing down his spine with his eyes closed. “Sure I do, come on, grab a blanket.”

Willie loved heights. He usually sat hours on the Hollywood sign, just gazing at the lights of Los Angeles. But it was totally different sitting next to Alex,  _ holding his hand _ .

“I always asked the living what the best part of life was, what they liked the most. I even kept a journal. And the day I’ll go, this is the thing I had liked the best. Me and you, and the sunrise.”

Alex chuckled, head against Willie’s shoulder, as he got closer to fit under the blanket. “You sound just like me, you know? Always thinking about the future. You taught me how to live each day. Plus, you’ve just started your journey here. We’re young, and we have all of our lives in front of us.”

He was right. All of their  _ lives _ . It sounded so great in his mouth. 

“Tonight me and the guys are playing. Will you come to listen to us, as you promised?” he continued, holding Willie’s hand a little tighter. The angel smiled. 

“Of course I will, Alex, I wouldn't miss it for anything in the world.”

And that’s how Willie’s life began: with the boy he was in love with. Humans were lucky, he now knew it better than any other angel. Human happiness was something else. 

That night, Willie put on clothes for the first time ever. Alex had scrambled an outfit of old stuff he’d found in the garage so that the long-haired angel was wearing a geometric patterned hoodie, jeans, and sneakers. He looked so different, so new, so  _ happy _ . 

“Listen, I have to get there a little early to rehearse, but we start at eight. You can easily walk from here, at the end of the road you’ll find Sunset Boulevard, and wherever you spot a line under the name ‘Julie and the Phantoms- Sold Out’ it’s us.”

Willie nodded in a laugh, pushing Alex outside the door. “I know, you told me at least five times now. You’re gonna be late if you keep going like this.” 

The drummer rolled his eyes, pulling his  _ boyfriend _ close for one last kiss. “I love you. I love you so much. I’m so sick in love with you.”

Willie kissed him back, hands cupping his full, rosy cheeks. “I love you too, Alex. I’m in love with you too.”

With one last wave and many other kisses, he finally decided to go, leaving Willie alone to his thoughts. 

The last twenty-four hours had been long, exhausting, and filled with pure joy. That garage he’d seen from afar so many times looked so familiar now. It was where they’d consumed their infinite love. Where Wilie had felt for the first time. Life was great.

Twenty minutes to eight, Willie was almost outside the venue.

He could count at least two hundred people piled outside, God knew for how long they’d been there hoping to catch a glimpse of the band before the concert started. Willie had no idea Alex’s band was that famous. 

He approached the stage door when he heard crying. Julie stepped outside, gasping for air, and when she turned around she saw Willie. “Will- Willie… the guys, bad hot dogs, food in-intoxication… Alex-”

The angel’s senses tingled. He spotted an ambulance in the background. 

“No!”

He sprinted towards the lights, trying to catch a glimpse of what was happening. 

“Sir, this is not a safe place, you need to step away, pleas-” “Willie”

Alex’s voice in some way reached the angel’s ears. He pushed the paramedic aside and reached Alex, who was now sitting on a stretcher. He was paler than ever, he trembled, but when he touched his hand he was freezing cold. 

“Alex,” “You’re here”

“I should let these people help you” he tried, but Alex stopped him. “No! Don’t go, please. Stay, I’m so scared.”

Willie was scared too.

“I’m so sorry, I screwed this all up. I wanted to show you so many things-” “And you will, my love, I love you so much”

Alex trembled harder than Willie had ever witnessed by proximity. Yet he held his hand. 

“You came all this way just for me, I’m so sorry.”

The way Alex’s immaculate eyes filled with sorrow made Willie’s lip quiver. And soon he was crying too. “No, no Alex you have no idea. To touch you, to feel you, to be able to hold your hand now... do you know what that means? Do you know how much this means to me?”

The blonde held his gaze for a moment, then it trailed somewhere else, and Willie jolted in fear.    
“Alex- Alex look at me, look in my eyes, please!”

His voice was hollow, calmer than it should’ve. “Someone’s out there.”

Willie’s heart shrank. “No! Don’t look at them, please Alex don’t look” he got closer, their foreheads touching. Alex closed his eyes, tears still falling.

“It’s okay, I promise. I’m not afraid, not anymore.

“When they ask me what I liked the best… I’ll tell them it was you.”

Slowly, Alex’s grip on Willie’s hand loosened. He relaxed against his hands that were keeping him close to Willie’s chest.

Willie held him closer than he’d ever done before. He hugged him as long as he could, crying, screaming, agony, voice wrecked, he was trembling from head to toe.

His vision was blurred, but he kept his eyes on Alex, on his beautiful pink lips, he had smiled at Willie so many times, on his blonde hair, and his rosy cheeks with a few freckles on. He looked so peaceful. 

Willie was just hollow.

* * *

Willie learned the worst way how humans deal with grief.

It’s like someone pierced a hole through his chest all the time. 

It’s consuming, it’s agony, it’s the worst torture ever. 

Willie had never felt as lonely as he was now. 

His world had turned grey. 

On the day of Alex’s funeral, Willie wasn’t alone. 

Alex was buried between his two best friends, Luke and Reggie. Willie was glad Alex wasn’t alone either.

And even if Julie held his hand all the time, Willie felt shattered in pieces to the ground. 

If once he’d wished he could’ve experienced pain, now he wished he would’ve been able to feel any emotion but that.

He wasn’t even sure it was really pain. 

It was stronger. It was worse. 

One day, he wasn’t sure how long after his lover’s death, he was sitting by the table of the kitchen of Julie’s house.

He was eating an apple. Alex’s childhood snack, when he spent his afternoons playing outside, clueless about his future. Willie cried as he caressed the bright skin of the fruit. 

“I can’t see you, but I know you’re here,” he announced all of a sudden, his skin prickling with a sensation that filled him with ache. His torture would never end. 

“I’m sorry.” Caleb appeared in the shadow of a corner. Willie hadn’t turned on the light of one single room ever since Alex had died. His light had disappeared. 

“Was it you? Were you the one? Were you there?” he asked. He was angry, not with him in particular. 

“No.”

“Why did he do this? Why did he have to take him? Because his number was up? Am I being punished?”

Caleb stepped closer, but Willie didn’t flinch. He took his head between his hands and sobbed hard. 

“You know better than this. It’s life. You’re alive now. And one day you’ll be dead.”

Silence. 

“What was it like?” he asked after a while, now sitting next to him. 

“What?”

“To hold him.”

“It was like everything made sense.”

Caleb took his hand. Willie looked up at him. 

“If you’d known this was going to happen… would you have done it?”

Willie took a deep breath. His eyes were filled with tears, but they'd never been so sincere.

“I would rather have had one breath of his hair, 

one kiss of his mouth, 

one touch of his hand,

than an eternity without it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if this caused you severe emotional pain. I like to hurt myself too.  
> kudos and comments are highly appreciated!  
> I'm on tumblr as @joynershats


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